Trip Fantasy #2--A Sergeant's Story

Some of you enjoyed my foray into the genre of romantic chick lit starring Colleen.

Tonight I want to try my hand at an international thriller--this time with Jeff in a leading role, even though he appears only offstage throughout.

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“Well it went a few days longer than we planned, but our relaxing trip to France is almost over,” Jennifer sighed as she signaled the waiter for another glass of Chablis. “This has been amazing, but I’m really ready to get back home to the kids and our normal lives.”

Ten of the eleven members of the group were gathered at the Hemingway Bar at the Ritz Paris struggling to process the events of the last two weeks.

“Come on Jen, I don’t think our lives are going to be normal again for a long time, but at least we haven’t had to go through everything Jeff has,” Melanie replied. “Hey Cathleen, where is he anyway?”

“I haven’t seen him for a few hours. I think he’s over at the embassy again being debriefed for the zillionth time since it happened. He’s getting fitted for the new dress uniform they flew over from the States. He’s also getting directions on how to bow, curtsey, salute or whatever he has to do when he stands there for his photo op with President Sarkozy,” Cathleen said. “At least all I have to do is wear this fancy new designer dress they gave me and not embarrass our nation by using the wrong spoon with the wrong course at the state dinner."

"I think I’ll be sitting next to Carla Bruni at dinner tonight," she continued. "Hank I’ll know you’re a little obsessed with her so I’ll make sure you get to meet her. Oh, I almost forgot--Jeff called me in the room while I was getting ready and he told me we’re going to LA next week so he can appear on Leno in prime time—how cool is that? First he gets interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show and now this.”

“That reminds me, look at this,” Kathy said reaching into her bag. “I just got the latest issues of Time and Newsweek from the hotel gift shop, and Jeff is on the cover of both of them. The headline of Newsweek says ‘America Saves France—Again’ while the cover of Time just says ‘Hero’ in huge type.”

“I wonder if going to a state dinner at the Elysées Palace is going to be like banquet night at one of my sales meetings, only on a bigger scale and with better wine,” Steve wondered aloud. “I’m with Jen--I’m about ready to get home. The attention was kind of fun at first, but I was disappointed we had to miss the first three days of the barge trip, and when we did go, we had all those camera crews following us around everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, the free rooms at the Ritz and the first class seats home on Air France tomorrow are great, but I’m a little overwhelmed and ready to take a vacation from our vacation.

“Yeah, I just checked my e-mail for the first time since we got here," added Melanie, "and I promise you that everyone in the world has now heard of the Bonjour Y’all Social Aid and Pleasure Club. People everywhere found our blog and our logo is already on T-shirts and other stuff for sale on the internet. I’m going to have to get one of those. But I’ll bet my husband will be able to use some of the footage from all those camera crews to realize his artistic directorial vision for the vacation video he’s promised to make for all of us.”

“And you can’t deny people have been nice to us,” Beau said. “All those gifts and dinners everywhere we went—what a great deal. I can't get over it man. Hey look, there’s Jeff on CNN again.” None of the others bothered to look up at the bar television. Seeing Jeff’s face on CNN and Fox News, or even seeing their own faces on TV, was no longer a novelty for any of them.

“I can’t wait to see someone I know get the Legion of Honor from the President of France,” said Colleen as she sipped her beer. “It will be just like that scene in that movie where Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones and the furry cookie monster creature are given medals by Princess Whatshername. I guess we can be the droids chirping with pride in the background. Which one of those movies was that?”

“It was Han Solo, not Indiana Jones and it was Episode IV of Star Wars,” said Mike. “But it was the first one and it was just called Star Wars when it came out. It didn’t become episode IV until George Lucas started cranking out the sequels. Oh and the furry cookie monster is called a wookie and it was Princess Leia, not Whatshername.”

“Whatever. I wonder if he can wear that French medal with his American service uniform after we get home.”

“Hey listen to this,” said Teri who had opened Newsweek to the cover story. “The people of France once again owe America a debt of gratitude as the nation and one of the world’s great cities was saved for a third time in a single century by the US military. This time it was a quick acting Chief Master Sergeant in the Air Force on his first day of vacation in Paris who singlehandedly prevented the unthinkable from happening—an act of nuclear terrorism in the symbolic and spiritual center of one of the world’s greatest cities. Parisians are referring to CMSgt. Jeff Erwin as the Angel of Notre Dame.” Teri was finding it hard to continue with tears in her eyes.

“Keep going,” urged Hank.

“Well then it goes on to the stuff we’ve seen and heard a thousand times—about Jeff spotting the guy dumping the panel van outside of Notre Dame Cathedral and then running away. How Jeff recognized the bomb in the back. How he managed to drive the van into the Seine and then saw Amar Hamza, the Algerian terrorist, frantically trying to set off the device with his cell phone. Then it goes into how Jeff ran down and held the most wanted man in Europe until the gendarmes took over. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

“Oh wait, here’s a picture of all of us—it’s the one of us in our back yard from the planning party last year that Hank posted on the blog. And here’s another of some of us on the Marjorie 2. And here’s a picture of Jeff in Iraq that also was on the blog. Clearly a staffer read every word of the Marjorie blog because it goes into detail about how this was the trip of a lifetime for the members of the Bonjour Y’all Social Aid and Pleasure Club.

“Good grief!” exclaimed Teri. “There’s a quote from you Hank, I can’t believe you said this or that they printed it. ‘Jeff Erwin may be known to the world as the man who saved Paris, but you should see him with a barbecue grill and a hunk of meat—that’s where Jeff is my hero’, said Hank Henley, Erwin’s friend and traveling companion. When did you talk to Newsweek, you goofball?"

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! The next quote is from Steve. Y'all are not going to believe what he said. Listen to this.”

“Excuse me Madame Henley,” interupted Francois, the Ritz concierge assigned to the group. “But your Limousines have arrived and they are waiting to take you to the palace."