Just Plane Crazy!

Please read at least the next couple of sentences of this blog entry. You can bail out after that if you like.

Do you have a Continental Airlines frequent flyer number? If so, can you pass that on to me so that I can get you set up to receive your airline miles?

Amazingly, Ms. Fishman actually got most of the ticketing right. She has our names correct and has us flying to the right cities on the right days. The thing she didn't get right is the seating assignments. For some reason she gave all of us "A" seats on both transcontinental flights (except for Melanie, who got a K seat. That means we have 1o window seats scattered throughout the "driver's" side of the plane and Melanie has a window seat two rows across on this big jet. Not to worry, I'll fix it.

I don't know if you saw this in the news this week, but United Airlines has just announced that, beginning in October, they will begin charging for meals on transcontinental flights. They won't be handing out so much as a peanut or a pretzel for free on flights to Europe.

That's just crazy and verging on evil. By the time we fly to Paris, either all the airlines will have adopted that policy, or United will have given up on this really, really dumb idea.

It wasn't that many years ago that the alcohol flowed freely and for free on your transcontinental flight and you actually ate pretty well. On our first flight to France, Teri and I had the pleasure of flying Air France. There were multiple meal services with pretty good food and after coming through the cabin several times pouring beverages, the staff set up a self-service wine and cognac cart in back.

Flying has gotten progressively less fun over the years.

I still remember my first flight. Mike remembers stuff better than I do, so he might have corrections or additions to this. It was probably 1968 and I was 8 or 9 years old. My brother and I were flying alone. After spending some time with our grandparents in California, we were flying from San Francisco to Chicago (I think) to be picked up by our parents.

Flying was so cool in those days! First of all, taking a flight was a big deal for anyone and people dressed up for the flight. The stewardess doted on the two youngsters flying by themselves which was an unusual sight back then in the pre-latchkey kid days when mom and dad stayed married. Oh, and she was a stewardess, not a flight attendant. That politically correct term didn't exist back then.

Mike and I both got gold wings which we thought was special. The young and cute stews (they all were young and cute back then) treated us like princes.

And I distinctly remember this about my first flight: Inside every seat pouch was a little sample box containing five cigarettes and matches. I'm pretty sure they were Winstons (I remember that because they were Dad's brand back then). I thought it was strange that cigarettes could come in any form other than the same size packs that Dad smoked. I didn't think it at all strange that these sample packs were in every seat pouch on the plane. That's right, not only was smoking allowed on board, there wasn't even a no-smoking section. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Okay, so maybe that part has improved.

If you want a little taste of what flying was like back then, try to get on a mostly empty flight from Tokyo to Hanoi on Nippon Airlines. Teri and I had that pleasure not too long ago and it brought back many happy memories of what it used to be like to be treated as a valued customer and to actually be attended to by a flight "attendant".

And don't get me started on the TSA and the joy they have brought to all of our lives.

If there's one thing I'm pretty much an expert on, it's why air travel sucks and how airlines could make our lives better if they weren't such evil bastards. I could write volumes on the subject and, trust me, I've got a lifetime of stories. But I just realized I don't have the energy or inclination to vent on any further on this subject. Airline travel, instead of being an event and part of the experience, is now just a necessary evil to be endured as you attempt to get from point A to point B.