Trip Fantasy #3--Steve's story

This time, the genre is musical farce.

Sadly,according to Google Earth there is no Rue Bodet.

And it appears that great band, Les Jazz Cats de Paris, also exists only in my mind. Too bad.

The Venus of this story is quite real, however. I spotted her once on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. Really.

So, who wants to be next?

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Being a reasonable man, Steve was willing to compromise on a number of issues when packing for the big trip to France. For instance, his wife Melanie begged him to leave the pup tent and sleeping bag at home on the grounds that they would be staying in very nice hotels and on a beautiful luxury barge and not in the wilderness at any point on their journey. After due consideration and more than a little hesitation, he set them aside in favor of an extra pair of socks and a Toledo Mud Hens baseball cap.

When Melanie pleaded with him not to take the entire 16 volume set of the Encyclopedia of the French Philosophers, he compromised by taking only the odd numbered volumes excepting Volume 3, which was mostly about René Descartes. Steve disagreed violently with the 17th century Frenchman on both his philosophy and his ideas on geometry, so he left that one aside as well and threw a tie into his second suitcase after also adding Volume 4 “for balance.”

He also hesitantly agreed to put back the squirrel cage, the set of barbecue tools, most of the rolls of toilet paper, the four cans of SPAM and the clown makeup kit.

He ignored Melanie’s pleadings to pack a second shirt and another pair of pants, however. “Are you kidding—we’re traveling light,” he said sternly.

But when it came to Melvis, his magic trumpet, Steve stood his ground, no matter how much Melanie urged him to leave it behind. He wasn’t going to leave the horn at home—oh no, not on this trip. He had big plans for that trumpet.

First of all, if he didn’t bring Melvis, how could he serenade his friends aboard the barge late into the night? He didn’t want to deprive everyone of his expressions of joy (mixed with a touch of wistful melancholy) as they emanated from his instrument. To do so would just be selfish.

Then there was the movie he planned to make. As the official trip cinematographer (by virtue of being the only one in the group who owned a modern and compact video camera), Steve had big plans for the official trip DVD he was planning to make for himself and the 10 others on the trip. To properly realize his directorial and artistic vision, Steve needed certain props—hence the clown makeup and cans of SPAM (the squirrel cage and toilet paper had entirely different intended uses). How could you possibly recreate the whole Monty Python SPAM skit without actual cans of SPAM?

The trumpet, both visually and aurally was to be the symbolic center point to the big “storming the Bastille” scene he had mentally mapped out and in which he planned to heroically play the music of Dizzy Gillespie from his Afro-Cuban phase to represent a new era of French freedom and culture.

And so it was around 10 o’clock on their second night in Paris with Melanie comatose on the bed after a long day of sightseeing and one too many glasses of wine with dinner, when Steve found himself too energized to sleep. Quietly he slipped out of their hotel room, trumpet case in hand.

At first his plan was to walk to Luxembourg Gardens and play Melvis there for the pleasure of the lovers and hobos he was sure must inhabit the park late at night. He knew the park was somewhere fairly close to his hotel, but he wasn’t sure where and he just struck out in a direction that felt right.

And it was just as well his instincts were completely off and that he never came close to the Jardin du Luxembourg as he would have learned the gates there are locked at 9:45 p.m. in the summer to keep out the amorous, the homeless and especially wandering musicians.

As Steve drifted further and further from both the Luxembourg Gardens and his hotel, he came to a lively Left Bank street, Rue Bodet, filled with little nightclubs, bars and populated by a cross-section of Parisian night owls.

As he walked down Rue Bodet, Steve noticed several buskers on the street performing for the passersby. There was the cellist whose repertoire seemed limited to the music of Antonio Vivaldi and Hank Williams. The sketch artist on the corner was a hit as he drew face caricatures paired with the bodies of mythical animals. There was the one-man band causing quite a stir performing La Marseillaise—repeatedly. There was the woman painted gold from head to toe and posing as the Statue of Liberty. Her cardboard donations box didn’t have nearly as much money as the Venus de Milo who posed just a few meters away. Perhaps it was that Venus was painted in silver rather than gold, perhaps it was that she was topless to more authentically recreate the statue in the Louvre, or perhaps it was the added attraction of the very large Burmese python draped across her shiny silver shoulders.

Well, thought Steve, inspired by the variety and quality of the artistry before him, I think now would be a great time to turn pro.

Steve found a likely spot on the sidewalk outside a little café; he opened his case, removed Melvis and set the open case down before him. He reached into his wallet and pockets and tossed a couple of bills and some coins into the case to grease the skids and paused a moment to consider his playlist.

After a little thought Steve decided that Miles Davis was the only way to go for his professional debut, starting with “Kind of Blue” and then working through the entire Davis discography. “Okay Melvis, here goes nothing,” he said to his horn. Then he took a deep breath, put the mouthpiece to his lips and blew.

Something about Steve and Melvis’ style of play was a perfect karmic match for the ambience of the Rue Bodet street life. The two rapidly began to gather an appreciative audience and the revenue began to flow into the trumpet case. Even Venus de Milo took a break and came over to watch for a few minutes, although Steve found the 12-foot snake mildly distracting. The next day, he added up his take and it included 13 Euros, 2 Canadian Loonies, 1 British Pound, 1,000 Vietnamese Dong, a half full bottle of red wine and a slip of paper containing the address and phone number of someone named Marguerite along with an invitation to drop by for a visit. Steve was intrigued with the thought that Marguerite and Venus might be one in the same.

Steve had just finished “Freddie Freeloader” and was about to launch into “Blue in Green” when an agitated man waving a saxophone and wearing a beret and toupee that were both askew approached speaking French at machine gun speed and volume. This was a useless exercise on his part as French is one of many languages Steve does not speak. Steve assumed that he had stolen the man’s spot and he was attempting to reclaim his busking turf, but this was far from the case.

When the man realized Steve was a Texan-American, he changed over to heavily accented English which was not rendered more comprehensible by his already flustered state.

“You see monsieur, our trumpetman Pierre she has sickness of the eyes tonight and cannot possibly trumpet for us band players to the hour, so you must come with me—the club is pres d’ici, I mean quite close, but we are much late. I comprehend that your style of the jazz is harmonious with us and tonight is the day when we must do our famous Miles Davis concert.”

“Will there be beer?” asked Steve.

“Mais non, Monsieur, we have so much better than that. For you there will be absinthe—much absinthe.”

And indeed there was much absinthe. And that’s how Steve fulfilled the dream of a lifetime and ended up performing until dawn before a packed and wildly appreciative house at Club Tout Tout along with the seven other members of Les Jazz Cats de Paris who refer to Steve as “our member in exile” to this very day.

Or at least that’s how he remembers it.

Packing for the weather

It's time to start thinking long and hard about the clothes you're bringing with you, not that some of you haven't been doing that for months.

One great tool as you decide what to bring with you and what to leave at home is the 10 day forecast at weather.com.

If you've never done this, just go to the site, type Paris, France into the search bar towards the top of the screen and then click on the 10-Day option. Or you can just click here.

As I write this, the 10 day forecast goes up to June 9th, the day before we leave. For the record the forecast is for a high of 68, a low of 54 and 20% chance of rain. That translates in metric units (which is what most of the rest of the world uses, and the only temperature units you'll see while we're over there) to a high of 20 and a low of 12. Just for reference 10C=50F, 20C=68F and 30C=86F. I'll keep you posted on the forecast as the days draw nearer, but count on the highs running between the upper 60s and upper 70s with cool nights

Music mix

Teri and I sat on the porch the other night and had a very long discussion about a critical life issue--what to put on the CD we wanted to burn and bring with us to play aboard the boat.

We took the process very seriously. Really.

We took turns choosing songs that we thought would be "perfect" for the ambience aboard the barge at the end of a day of power touring through Burgundy.

Some of the songs were about growing older, some reflected the way we feel about our life experiences over the last several years, a couple were about travel--but most were just plain fun. Don't worry Cathleen, "Dancing Queen" made the cut so you will have the pleasure of Mike performing for you once again.

If you're so inclined and have both the time and technical skills, I'd encourage you to make a CD of your own favorites and bring it with you to play on the barge's stereo for one of those special nights.

Trip Fantasy #2--A Sergeant's Story

Some of you enjoyed my foray into the genre of romantic chick lit starring Colleen.

Tonight I want to try my hand at an international thriller--this time with Jeff in a leading role, even though he appears only offstage throughout.

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“Well it went a few days longer than we planned, but our relaxing trip to France is almost over,” Jennifer sighed as she signaled the waiter for another glass of Chablis. “This has been amazing, but I’m really ready to get back home to the kids and our normal lives.”

Ten of the eleven members of the group were gathered at the Hemingway Bar at the Ritz Paris struggling to process the events of the last two weeks.

“Come on Jen, I don’t think our lives are going to be normal again for a long time, but at least we haven’t had to go through everything Jeff has,” Melanie replied. “Hey Cathleen, where is he anyway?”

“I haven’t seen him for a few hours. I think he’s over at the embassy again being debriefed for the zillionth time since it happened. He’s getting fitted for the new dress uniform they flew over from the States. He’s also getting directions on how to bow, curtsey, salute or whatever he has to do when he stands there for his photo op with President Sarkozy,” Cathleen said. “At least all I have to do is wear this fancy new designer dress they gave me and not embarrass our nation by using the wrong spoon with the wrong course at the state dinner."

"I think I’ll be sitting next to Carla Bruni at dinner tonight," she continued. "Hank I’ll know you’re a little obsessed with her so I’ll make sure you get to meet her. Oh, I almost forgot--Jeff called me in the room while I was getting ready and he told me we’re going to LA next week so he can appear on Leno in prime time—how cool is that? First he gets interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show and now this.”

“That reminds me, look at this,” Kathy said reaching into her bag. “I just got the latest issues of Time and Newsweek from the hotel gift shop, and Jeff is on the cover of both of them. The headline of Newsweek says ‘America Saves France—Again’ while the cover of Time just says ‘Hero’ in huge type.”

“I wonder if going to a state dinner at the Elysées Palace is going to be like banquet night at one of my sales meetings, only on a bigger scale and with better wine,” Steve wondered aloud. “I’m with Jen--I’m about ready to get home. The attention was kind of fun at first, but I was disappointed we had to miss the first three days of the barge trip, and when we did go, we had all those camera crews following us around everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, the free rooms at the Ritz and the first class seats home on Air France tomorrow are great, but I’m a little overwhelmed and ready to take a vacation from our vacation.

“Yeah, I just checked my e-mail for the first time since we got here," added Melanie, "and I promise you that everyone in the world has now heard of the Bonjour Y’all Social Aid and Pleasure Club. People everywhere found our blog and our logo is already on T-shirts and other stuff for sale on the internet. I’m going to have to get one of those. But I’ll bet my husband will be able to use some of the footage from all those camera crews to realize his artistic directorial vision for the vacation video he’s promised to make for all of us.”

“And you can’t deny people have been nice to us,” Beau said. “All those gifts and dinners everywhere we went—what a great deal. I can't get over it man. Hey look, there’s Jeff on CNN again.” None of the others bothered to look up at the bar television. Seeing Jeff’s face on CNN and Fox News, or even seeing their own faces on TV, was no longer a novelty for any of them.

“I can’t wait to see someone I know get the Legion of Honor from the President of France,” said Colleen as she sipped her beer. “It will be just like that scene in that movie where Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones and the furry cookie monster creature are given medals by Princess Whatshername. I guess we can be the droids chirping with pride in the background. Which one of those movies was that?”

“It was Han Solo, not Indiana Jones and it was Episode IV of Star Wars,” said Mike. “But it was the first one and it was just called Star Wars when it came out. It didn’t become episode IV until George Lucas started cranking out the sequels. Oh and the furry cookie monster is called a wookie and it was Princess Leia, not Whatshername.”

“Whatever. I wonder if he can wear that French medal with his American service uniform after we get home.”

“Hey listen to this,” said Teri who had opened Newsweek to the cover story. “The people of France once again owe America a debt of gratitude as the nation and one of the world’s great cities was saved for a third time in a single century by the US military. This time it was a quick acting Chief Master Sergeant in the Air Force on his first day of vacation in Paris who singlehandedly prevented the unthinkable from happening—an act of nuclear terrorism in the symbolic and spiritual center of one of the world’s greatest cities. Parisians are referring to CMSgt. Jeff Erwin as the Angel of Notre Dame.” Teri was finding it hard to continue with tears in her eyes.

“Keep going,” urged Hank.

“Well then it goes on to the stuff we’ve seen and heard a thousand times—about Jeff spotting the guy dumping the panel van outside of Notre Dame Cathedral and then running away. How Jeff recognized the bomb in the back. How he managed to drive the van into the Seine and then saw Amar Hamza, the Algerian terrorist, frantically trying to set off the device with his cell phone. Then it goes into how Jeff ran down and held the most wanted man in Europe until the gendarmes took over. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

“Oh wait, here’s a picture of all of us—it’s the one of us in our back yard from the planning party last year that Hank posted on the blog. And here’s another of some of us on the Marjorie 2. And here’s a picture of Jeff in Iraq that also was on the blog. Clearly a staffer read every word of the Marjorie blog because it goes into detail about how this was the trip of a lifetime for the members of the Bonjour Y’all Social Aid and Pleasure Club.

“Good grief!” exclaimed Teri. “There’s a quote from you Hank, I can’t believe you said this or that they printed it. ‘Jeff Erwin may be known to the world as the man who saved Paris, but you should see him with a barbecue grill and a hunk of meat—that’s where Jeff is my hero’, said Hank Henley, Erwin’s friend and traveling companion. When did you talk to Newsweek, you goofball?"

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! The next quote is from Steve. Y'all are not going to believe what he said. Listen to this.”

“Excuse me Madame Henley,” interupted Francois, the Ritz concierge assigned to the group. “But your Limousines have arrived and they are waiting to take you to the palace."

We're all less than millionaires

That headline may not have come as news to anyone, but this is just the coolest thing.

I had just finished the last post when I noticed that the countdown clock was within a minute of crossing under a million seconds.

I screamed for Teri and she made it just in time to watch the "odometer" click to 999999. I also was able to make a screen capture of it for you.

Big day for me

I beg your indulgence today, because this post has absolutely nothing to do with travel or France or anything else this blog is supposed to be about.

Today I want to write about me. It's a really big day in my life and I want to share a bit of it with you.

After a good 14 year run, this is my last day as an employee of John Wiley & Sons. At 5:01 p.m. today, I strike out on my own and will be either unemployed or self-employed, depending on how you look at it. At that same moment I will become both the CEO of The Infinite Monkey, Ltd. and a professional writer. Well, I'll be a professional writer in the same sense that the woman who took your order at PF Chang's last night is a professional actress and a CEO in the same sense that the head of Chrysler is a CEO. But still.

Wiley has been a truly wonderful organization to work for filled with wonderful people, many of whom will be friends for life. If you don't know what the company did for Teri and me post-Katrina, be sure to ask--it was nothing short of amazing.

It's not that I'm quitting a job or a company. I'm leaving because of the opportunity cost of staying in the job I have outweighs the rewards of plugging away at it for another 15 years.

I sent out a heartfelt goodbye memo to a whole lot of the folks at the company and got scads of fan mail in return. Quite a number of those return messages were amazingly kind and tugged at my heart. Quite a few recounted "I'll always remember when . . ." moments that were either hilarious or poignant or both.

It really was like going to your own funeral and discovering that the reviews were way better than you thought they'd be.

A lot of those e-mails used words like "courageous" and "my hero" in them. Just when I told Teri that I was getting comfortable with my newfound sense of nobility, Callie puked on our freshly cleaned carpet. That's when Teri handed me an old towel and said she had just the cure for that swelling head of mine.

I really am very excited about "the best year ever" Teri and I are about to embark upon and in which you will play a major role commencing in just a few days. In a year or so we'll have a clearer idea of whether chasing after dreams was a brilliant move on my part or the act of middle aged moron. This is a very big risk for us, and Teri is generously bearing more than her share of the risk without complaint. She didn't sign up for middle aged crazy, but she's got it, and she's coping with it better than I could have dreamed.

It's kind of a lose-lose proposition if you think about it. If I fail then it was a ridiculous thing to to in the first place. But if I succeed it means I squandered a lot of my most productive years before making this move.

Anyway, thanks for indulging me. We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.

Prelude to a wedding

Since we're all vying for a spot in Colleen's wedding, here's a little more information on how it came to be.

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The little café looked so inviting to Colleen after a long day of power touring the Burgundy countryside. Maybe a quick cup of coffee and a smoke would lighten her mood.

The trip to France wasn’t going as she had hoped. The weather had been miserable from the very start, and it had rained seemingly non-stop for four straight days. As much as she loved them, her 10 traveling companions were beginning to get on her nerves. They were dear sweet people and old friends, but Colleen was more than ready for a break from them and the inevitable drama and groupthink that came with moving in a pack.

She thought breaking away from the herd and not joining the group tour to the castle or cathedral or winery or whatever over planned activity was on the agenda for that day would make her feel better. But the rain kept coming, Colleen’s self-guided tour had been kind of boring, she was all by herself and maybe just a tiny bit homesick.
The sun peeked out from behind a cloud just as she sat down at the cafe sidewalk table. Two minutes later she was engaged in a conversation with Jacques, the man holding down the table next to hers.

In his late fifties, he was tall and projected strength on a lean but muscular frame. His sharp blue inquisitive eyes and his Gallic nose gave his face an almost birdlike aspect. Fashionably dressed, Colleen learned that Jacques was a widower, had studied in the States (the Colorado School of Mines), loved the band ABBA and always dreamed of going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans but had never quite made it.
He was a businessman with a love of American football, and since the Colorado School of Mines didn’t play Division I football, he decided he would adopt the LSU Bayou Bengals as the team he would root for and claimed to have a collection of LSU memorabilia at home.

Jacques and Colleen learned a lot about each other over the course of the next several hours and found each other deeply intriguing.
Then Colleen looked at her watch. “Merde,” she exclaimed, “I’m way late and my barge has just sailed without me.”
“No problem,” said Jacques. “It can’t be too hard to find your barge since it won’t leave the canal. I’ll take you to the barge, but first you will have dinner at my house.”

“Oh I couldn’t impose on you,” said Colleen.

“It is no imposition Madame, in fact I have already called ahead and our ride should be arriving just now . . . ah there is Julien now.”

Colleen didn’t know a great deal about cars, but she had an idea that the classic Bentley convertible that pulled up alongside their table at the café was worth many years of her salary, even counting the extra jobs and overtime she put in. Then there was the older guy behind the wheel in a chauffeur’s getup straight out of an old movie.

Jacques saw Colleen’s look of surprise. “It’s nothing,” he said as he opened the door for her. “The car was inherited—Julien too, I’m afraid.”

Then Jacques spoke briefly to his driver. Colleen’s phrasebook French left her in the dust as they spoke, but she was able to pick out the word chateau and thought she heard the words peniche (barge) and après diner (after dinner).

They made a quick stop at the village boulongerie along the way, where Jacques and Colleen hopped out to pick up a baguette for dinner. The baker’s wife engaged Jacques in a friendly conversation, all the while casting furtive glances Colleen’s way. Colleen understood rien de tout but she could have sworn that the shopkeeper addressed him as Marcus instead of Jacques.

When Julien was back on the road Colleen asked about Jacques other name. Was Marcus his last name? Is it a French custom to use different names with different people?
“Oh that,” Jacques said dismissively. “She wasn’t saying Marcus, she was saying Marquis. I’m afraid you’re in the company of the Marquis de Beaune and some of the older people around here still insist on using the old title.”

“Ah, we’re home,” said Jacques as the car pulled down a long tree lined driveway to the front door of a beautiful chateau. “Marie will give you a quick tour and show where you can freshen up. I understand that Isabelle is quite out of sorts having to prepare dinner for an extra person on almost no notice, so I wouldn’t go in the kitchen just now. And, the weather she has cleared up and it looks like we’re in for a beautiful sunset, so I’ll meet you outside for cocktails in just a few minutes.”

Wow, this trip got interesting in a hurry, thought Colleen.

Walking tour anyone?

I just registered with a non-profit organization called Paris Greeters.

What they do is provide free walking tours (they are free, but they are happy to accept donations) by a native Parisian. You won't be going to the big sights on this tour. The whole idea is to give you a back-door tour of Paris by walking through "undiscovered" neighborhoods and getting a taste of the real Paris.

The guide is a volunteer who wants to show off their city. Their website says that "at the end of the walk, we really want you to have the feeling that you have not only discovered the city but also had an insight into what we call the 'Parisian way of life.'" Here's the link to their website.

There are a couple of catches. There's no guarantee this is going to happen at all until they confirm with me that someone will be available to give the tour. Also, I can't guarantee a date at this point--I gave them a couple of choices. Finally there are a maximum of six people allowed on the tour, so our entire group can't go.

I'm going, and I'm sure my dear spouse will want to go too. That leaves four slots. Who's in? To be fair, the first four to bounce back by leaving a comment to this post "win" the slots. If everyone wants to do this, let me know and we'll get someone else to register, but we'll have to do it right away since they want three weeks lead time.

The first day

I just want to prepare you a little for your first day in France.

Our flight is scheduled to land in Paris at something like 7:40 a.m. on Thursday.

By the time we collect our luggage and clear customs it should be around 9 a.m.

We've arranged for two vans to pick us up at the airport and deliver us to the hotel. By the time we get everything sorted out and into town it should be around 11a.m. or a little later.

Here's where you need to prepare. The odds that our rooms will be waiting for us that early in the day at this hotel are approximately zero. What we can do is take care of some of the formalities at check-in and then dump the bags with the front desk.

From there we'll be free to roam the streets of Paris until our rooms are waiting for us.

Here's the catch: Odd are you're going to be very, very tired and jet lagged on arrival. You probably won't feel truly human again until you wake up in the hotel on Friday morning.

If the weather is nice, a nice walk or a ride on the bateaux mouche would be something to consider. Otherwise I'd hit one of the museums (any museum except the Louvre--way to intense for your jet lagged self).

After a little light orientation touring, a nice dinner at a little cafe and a good night's sleep, you'll be really ready to crank up the trip and take Paris by storm.

I'm open to any and all suggestions on how to spend that first day in Paris. Who has ideas?

Ask Marjorie

Dearest Marjorie,

I'm a big fan.

I'm wondering, should I bring a backpack? What size luggage should I bring?

Signed,

Montgomery Legal Eagle

Dear Eagle,

Marjorie thinks that a small backpack (the kind that kids take to school) are a perfect accessory for a trip like the one you're about to take. You can fit a camera, sunglasses, guidebook, bottle of water and other sundries in the pack with room left over for any small purchases you make during the course of the day. When traveling international, Marjorie uses her small pack as her carry on.

As for the luggage, you can check two bags without any fees on this international trip as long as they don't exceed 70 pounds (each) and don't exceed 62 inches when you add the length, width and height of each bag. Don't exceed these limits as the penalties are pretty steep.

Marjorie is all about packing light, but she understands that different people have different ideas about what constitutes "packing light". Take what you think you'll need and no more, and be sure to leave some space in at least one of your bags to pack any souvenirs you may acquire along the way. On a couple of different trips Marjorie has bought an extra suitcase on her travels because she bought so much stuff and had no room in her luggage to get it all home.

On this trip, you'll only be packing and unpacking a couple of times, so taking a big bag shouldn't be a problem. Bear in mind that hotel rooms in Europe and cabins on barges tend to be small, so a bunch of huge suitcases can quickly turn your living area into an obstacle course.

Your friend,

Marjorie

The Hills are Alive . . .

Dear Marjorie,

Will it be possible to use my iPod with the stereo system aboard the boat so that I can share my tunes with the group? Or should I bring along a small, cheap pair of computer speakers that could be donated to the boat when we depart?

What would the trip be without a least one rousing rendition of “Dancing Queen” with Mike?

Sincerely,

Dance Feverish in Gadsden

Dear Feverish,

Marjorie has been giving the whole music thing a lot of thought.

She doesn't know if your pod will plug directly into the boat's stereo system, but she has a device that will allow you to play your pod through any nearby FM radio. That should do the trick nicely if she can remember to pack it for you.

But Marjorie also suggests that everyone burn one CD of their party favorites and bring it with them. If everyone does this, your group would have something like 15 hours of music on hand, and would only be subjected to the dubious taste of any given member of the party for less than two hours.

The danger of the pod, as Marjorie has learned on long drives with friends, is that it can lead to musical tyranny and even the musical equivalent of waterboarding if your musical preferences seriously diverge from that of the podmaster's.

But Marjorie is well acquainted with your particular taste in music Feverish, and she trusts you to bring only the good stuff--so go ahead and pack that pod.

Audibly Yours,

Marjorie

Lagniappe

If you are one of those faithful readers who gets your Marjorie news only via e-mail, you might want to check out the website for these "bonus" items.

1. The countdown clock is looking happier by the second. It currently stands at less than three weeks, less than 500 hours, less than 30,000 minutes and less than two million seconds.

2. The recent post on packing a book in your carry-on has had a lot of response. Check the comments link on that post to find out what your fellow travelers will be reading on the trip and add your own literary selections.

3. Today is the last day to exercise your franchise in our latest exercise in scientific polling. Currently french fries are barely edging out french kissing. If anyone has an idea for a multiple choice poll you'd like to see on the blog, pass it on.

What Not to Pack #3

In a word: anxieties.

As we get closer to departure (can you believe that we're only three weeks away! I hope you put away any concerns you may have about this trip.

If you're at all worried about "fitting in" with the group or what you're going to wear at any given point or if you'll be able to communicate and get around in a foreign country, or what you'll do if you encounter an "issue" on the trip--don't worry--everything's going to be okay.

If you have any anxieties about anything at all related to this little party, put them aside. It's going to be fine.

As for the people going on this trip--every one of us is a pretty wonderful human being. We're all weird in our own little ways--I've known most of you for many, many years, and I can state that with certainty. We're also very different from one another in many ways. But I think that weirdness and those differences are going to come together in a beautiful and groovy way over the course of our journey together. I am so excited about spending this time with each and every one of you that I can't stand it. So don't worry about what "the group" will think of you--we love you already or you wouldn't be with us.

For those of you who have never been overseas or haven't been in a long time, don't worry about communication or getting along "over there." Europeans are used to dealing with people who don't speak their tongues. There are a whole lot of countries in Europe and more languages than countries and they know how to make it work. The truth is that one of the big ways they make it work is by pretty much everyone speaking some English.

And when you have to deal with someone who can't or won't speak English, you'll be amazed at how much you can communicate by pointing and gesturing.

You may get lost in Paris, I'd be disappointed if you didn't, but, trust me, you'll get found again. So be brave, be adventurous and don't be afraid to strike out on your own now and then.

Don't worry about what's going on back home while you're away. If someone dies or the house burns down, you'll probably get a call. And if you don't get that call, you can assume that all is well on the home front.

And the bulk of our trip is going to be spent on a barge in Burgundy with a crew of five dedicated to catering to our every whim. We're going to be wined, dined, toured and generally treated like royalty. I can't imagine anything going wrong on that part of the tour.

If there's a medical issue, there are doctors and drugstores in France and we have two health professionals in our group. If you forget to bring something with you, they have something like it or better over there too.

If you get robbed or pickpocketed, you've got a great story, and we'll make sure your trip goes on.

If you want to be anxious about anything at all, you have my permission to be anxious about getting to the airport plenty early for our flight to France. After you've boarded the plane, everything else will fall into place.

One last piece of advice while I'm thinking of it, and this is based on a whole lot of experience. Make good plans, but don't be afraid to divert from them from time to time. Don't be a slave to your itinerary, your agenda or your checklist of sights to see. Some of the most memorable experiences you have will simply happen when you're not looking for them. But they'll only happen if you let them.

Sometimes you don't take a trip--sometimes you let the trip take you.

Packing List--#5 in a series

Some of you know of my unhealthy attachment to my iPod, but I'm going to leave it at home on this trip. I'm also seriously considering not bringing a camera under the assumption that the rest of you are going to take more pictures on this trip than the all the paparrazi on Oscar night and may be willing to share your best shots with me--but I'll bet I cave in and throw a camera in the backpack at the last minute.

However I will be taking one essential travel accessory with me--a bit of old school media. I'll be bringing along a book. I don't mean a guidebook or a phrasebook, although I'll have a few of those packed away as well. I mean a book book. One for reading. Just for the pleasure of it.

I always pack a book when I travel, and on our big trips it often relates somehow to the adventure at hand.

On one trip to Italy I read Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad. It was so fun following in Twain's footsteps and seeing the sights through his wry, hilarious and sometimes bitter filter. His description of the Cathedral in Milan, for instance, was dead on, and his words could have been written yesterday instead of 140 years ago. It was a little spooky seeing it just as he did all those years later.

On our trip to China a few years ago, we spent nine days aboard a boat going up the Yangtze River. For that trip I brought along The River at the Center of the World by Simon Winchester, an absolutely brilliant geographic and historical exploration of the that river. The book started in Shanghai (as did our trip) and went back in time as it went up-river. It was mind blowing going up the Yangtze and back in time along with the book.

When the 5th Harry Potter book Order of the Phoenix published on the day after we flew out for a two week cruise to the Baltic, I was already a huge fan of the kiddie series and was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to have it to read on the trip. Our flight landed in London on the morning the book released, and I was really excited that I was able to buy a copy at Heathrow about two minutes after we cleared customs. I thoroughly enjoyed both the book and the trip and read the last page on the flight home. It was kind of fun having the UK version with its different cover and Britified spellings of some words.

This time I'm actually going to pack two books. One was a gift from Steve a few months back, and I've been saving it especially for our trip because it links exquisitely to what our trip means for me. The 50 Year Dash--The Feelings, Foibles, and Fears of Being Half-a-century Old contains the musings of the always-entertaining columnist Bob Greene. I've enjoyed Greene's writing for over 20 years and am really looking forward to this one.

The second book I'm bringing isn't related to the trip at all--at least I hope it isn't. The Road, a critically acclaimed post-apocalyptic father-son story by Cormac McCarthy is another title I've been looking forward to reading for a while. I was blown away when I saw the movie No Country For Old Men and wasn't surprised when it won the Academy Award for Best Picture that year. Then I read the book and realized exactly why the film turned out so well--the material it was based on was just that good.

So, give it some thought and toss a book in your carry on. Maybe in a few years you can pack one of mine.

Ask Marjorie Redux

Dear Marjorie,

Some of my outfits may get wrinkled. Is there a way to iron clothing while on board?

Signed,

Kathy in Montgomery

Great question Kathy!

Marjorie was a little worried about this herself since she always insists on crisply pressed clothing at all times. You'll never catch Marjorie looking less than her best.

Here's the definitive answer from Lori at Special Places Travel:

"I received confirmation this morning that there is an iron available on board Marjorie II. The gals need only ask the crew. Please spread this reply around.

Let us know if other questions come up, we are happy to help!"

Ask Marjorie

Here are a couple of letters that have crossed Marjorie's transom over the last couple of days, so she thought she'd take a stab at writing an advice column.

Dear Marjorie,

I was looking at the Paris museum pass website today. It says to allow 10 days for shipping if you plan to order them before your trip. Is this something I should do? A two day pass is 32Euros ($43.50). I’m thinking about it.

Curious in Gadsden

Dear Curious,

By all means buy the museum pass if you are going to either a bunch of museums or several of the popular ones (like the Louvre) with long lines that you will now be able to skip by flashing the pass.

But don't buy it until you get there. The fees associated with buying it on-line are pretty steep (about $18 extra). If you buy it over there, you won't have to pay the extra surcharge. You can buy the pass at the tourist information kiosk at the airport or at any of the museums.

-------------------------------------------------

Hi Marjorie,

You are so wise, and I want to take your advice to pack light, but after tallking to Teri, I realize I am supposed to dress "cute" for dinner. Now I don't know WHAT to pack!

Help!

Signed,

Lost in Lynchburg


Dear Lost

We probably ought to have Teri weigh in on this subject, but "cute" doesn't have to mean lots and lots of stuff in the suitcase. There's no law against wearing the same outfit more than once on a trip and there's no law that says you have to abide by anyone else's dress code. This is your vacation, after all.

Marjorie knows Teri pretty well and happens to know that she brings some lightweight outfits that qualify as "cute" and she is able to mix and match in different ways over the course of a vacation.

Also, there's no law that says that you have to pack light. You can bring as much stuff as you want with you, but Marjorie is pretty sure that travelers who tote less of their material possessions with them are happier overall.

That's it for this installment of Ask Marjorie--keep those cards and letters coming

Worth listening to

I don't know if any of you listen to the Diane Rehm show on public radio, but she often has pretty interesting guests.

Today she had the author of a new book on the Eiffel Tower as a guest for a one hour segment. It's great listening if you're into the history of this great monument that you're about to go see and maybe even climb upon.

The history of this tower is pretty darn fascinating, and this episode is well worth your time.

You can download this segment free on i-Tunes or you can listen to it directly from Diane Rehm's website. Here's the link.

Our first anniversary is sponsored by . . .

We have another anniversary to celebrate today. Exactly one year ago today I published the first post on this blog. The title of that post . . . "the adventure begins." Remember that one?

Oh, and in the last couple of days I earned $10 because of this very blog and can now say I'm a professional writer thanks to Marjorie. For real! Here's how that happened:

A few days ago in a post about raincoats, I happened to mention a certain large national retailing chain. I'm not saying their name here for reasons that shall become clear momentarily.

Anyway, a very nice representative of that large national retailer spotted their name in our blog and offered to send me a $10 gift card for mentioning them in a positive light. How cool is that?

I guess they have some sort of "Super Google" that scours their name on the web. My geeky advertising professor wife is very excited about this and plans to use it as an example of social media in her upcoming classes.

I'm not saying the name again here because their "Super Google" will catch it again and we could end up in an endless shower of gift certificates. But the picture above should give you a clue as to who my new benefactor is. If they catch this post based on the picture, then they have some sort of "Super Duper Google Deluxe" and I'll be a little afraid of who is able to monitor what on the web.

I only wish Continental Airlines had that "Super Google" and had contacted me when they were screwing up our reservations and I was saying all that mean stuff about them several months ago. There have been subsequent and equally difficult dealings with the airline in the recent past, and I haven't bothered y'all with those details--but clearly our airline isn't investing in the "Super Google" program.

It's always a treat when a random someone stumbles onto our blog. I hear from them every so often, but I'm sure there are others who have been in and out of our lives without leaving a trace. That's kind of a cool thing--there's no way of knowing exactly who is lurking anonymously out there.

Packing List--#4 in a series

In a word--money.

I've told the old saying about packing for an overseas trip before--that if you take out half the clothes in your suitcase and add twice the money in your wallet, your trip will go beautifully. It's kind of true. I've returned from plenty of trips with clothes I never wore in my suitcase, but I've never come back with gobs of extra cash. It just doesn't work out that way somehow.

In this case, you'll need Euros. Many places around the world are more than happy to accept US Dollars, and may in fact prefer them over their own currency. France is not one of those places--you need the local stuff. You can get Euros in advance from your local bank (but they may have to special order them for you, so plan this a bit in advance of the trip), or you can just use your ATM card at any ATM machine once you get over there. No matter what you do, you're going to pay for the privilege of turning Dollars to Euros in the form of fees and exchange rate hanky panky, so don't get way more than you plan to spend.

The last couple of weeks, the dollar has been sliding fast against the euro, which is not good news for us. The current rate of exchange is $1.36 per Euro. Hopefully things won't get much worse in the next month.

One reminder--the last night of the cruise we'll be expected to tip the crew. This is voluntary, but the customary amount is between 5 and 10 percent of the cost of the cruise, payable in Euros to the captain. So, doing the math, and at the current rate of exchange, that comes to between 140 and 280 euros per person--that of course assumes that you are satisfied with the service provided, and I expect you will be. So we'll need to plan to have a fair amount of cash on hand on the last night.

Let me know if this presents a problem for anyone in the group.

Oh, you will probably want to bring along a few US Dollars in your pocket (maybe a $20 bill) for buying munchies at the airport, but you won't need much in the way of US currency on this trip.

Found while looking for something else

Packing List--#3 in a series

This one is a must.

Take your passport, driver license, debit card and whatever credit cards you plan to bring with you to France and head to your scanner or a photocopier. Then photocopy the inside page of your passport (the page with your picture and other basic data like passport number, etc). Also photocopy both the front and back of your debit and credit cards.

Once you've done that, make sure you can clearly read the numbers on your credit and debit cards on the photocopy you just made. If not, then write them down on your sheet of paper next to the image of the card. Then make sure you can read the emergency phone numbers on the photocopy of the reverse side of your cards. If not, write those down on your sheet.

You don't need to take more than one debit card and one credit card, by the way, so leave those library cards, Sears cards, grocery store cards etc. at home in a drawer. If you were planning to take a Discover card with you, don't bother--they're useless in Europe. Visa, MasterCard and Amex are the only ones you should consider bringing.

Here's the next step--on your trip make sure you have your photocopies stored safely in a place separate from your actual passport and credit cards.

The whole idea is that if any of these items are lost or stolen along the way, it will be much easier to replace them.

One other thing about credit cards. Make sure you've signed the back of your credit cards before you go. For some reason, they make a bigger deal of this over there than they do here--and you will find that store clerks and waiters will actually scrutinize your signature on the card and receipt to make sure they match.

Teri at half a century

I'm sure you all know the story, but the whole reason this trip is happening is I really screwed up exactly 10 years ago.

Teri made it known to me that she wanted a party on her 40th birthday. Not only, did I not deliver on the party, I was out of town on the actual day, so she ended up spending the evening out with a couple of colleagues, one of which ended up as a thorn in her side for most of the next decade.

So, I promised I'd make it up to her and started a little savings plan that we called our 50th Birthday Party Fund. Every month $50 went into the pot and whenever a bonus or other extra money came our way, we'd throw in a little more. Needless to say, that little account prospered. Eventually we had to decide what to do with our 50th Birthday Party Fund and it has turned into the little adventure we're about to embark upon.

So while, we'll be celebrating Teri's 50th birthday (and mine too) on our last night aboard the Marjorie 2, her actual birthday is tomorrow (May 12th). I'll be right behind her as I'll turn 50 on August 26th.

So give Teri a thought tomorrow, and you can be thankful that I was a real screwup exactly 10 years ago.

Packing List--#2 in a series

It's been raining a lot here at Chez Henley over the last week or so.

My garden is growing beautifully. If you show up at our place any time starting in the next few weeks, you're likely to have eggplants, peppers, squash and tomatoes forced on you. The grass on my lawn needs mowing every few days here in the verdant suburbs and Teri's flowers are blooming like crazy.

Our beautiful and slightly damp spring reminds me that it also rains in Europe, and, just like here, they have wet spells and dry spells across the pond. We've had trips to Europe where we barely saw a drop of rain and others where it rained for several days in a row. I'll let you know the 10 day forecast for Paris as we get a little closer to the trip, but the deal is that there's no way of knowing how much rain we'll have on our little parade.

I like to say that when you're traveling, there's no such thing as bad weather--only unprepared tourists. To that end, I highly suggest you pack a light nylon rain poncho. Teri and I bought a couple of cheap ponchos (or anoraks) over 10 years ago and they've served us well many, many times. I think we got ours at Old Navy, but I just checked their website and couldn't find them for sale. Not to worry, I'm sure you can get something just as good from WalMart or LL Bean or any number of other retailers. I did find a really nice one on Rick Steve's website for $30 and a whole lot of different ones on the Amazon website.

Ours fold up into their own little pouch that weighs almost nothing and takes very little space in your backpack. But when the skies open up, they're a lifesaver.

Our Kit Came!

I just returned from our mailbox and our "kit" had arrived from Special Places Travel, so yours should be waiting for you in the next day or two if it hasn't reached you already.

I also got a call from a very excited Beau last night. Beau is a teetotaler, but if I didn't know better, I would have thought he had gotten into the happy juice--he was that worked up about the upcoming trip.


31 days to go until we take Paris!

Found while looking for something else