Winds of change

This is not Marjorie related, but right now Gustav is shaping up to be a really nasty storm and New Orleans and one of our Marjoriacs are in the way of its current projected path.

It's way early and this storm could fizzle or change direction between now and Labor Day, when it is expected to make landfall.

Fay was bad enough. We got a lot of much needed rain here in Alabama, but it caused a big ole tree to fall on Mike's house in Hoover. It's the one he's trying to sell. No major damage, but he's going to have to get some gutters replaced and a little other work done. I know that is a pain since he's an absentee owner and they've already completed the move to Lynchburg.

Pray for Colleen and all our other friends in the Crescent City.

Let's do the time warp again!

Colleen asked a question on the comments section and I know a number of you only read the blog entries as they're e-mailed to you, so I thought I'd answer it here too because it's one of those cool questions that lead us to the scholarly realms of geography, physics, psychology, human physiology and philosopy.

Basically Colleen wanted to know how long the flight is between Houston and Paris.

Well it's either 16 hours and 40 minutes or it's 10 hours and 35 minutes or it's 9 hours and 40 minutes or its 3 hours and 35 minutes. It all depends on how you look at it.

On the outbound leg (Houston/Paris), we'll leave at 6:40 p.m. and arrive at 11:05 a.m. the next day. That's 16 hours and 40 minutes, but it's only 9 hours and 40 minutes in real time because of the time zone changes (it's seven hours later in Paris than it is in Birmingham or Houston).

So, when we get there, our bodies will think we're landing in Paris at 4:05 a.m. We'll be really tired, somewhat disoriented and the predominant language we'll hear will be French. That's the real reason why it takes a day or so to get over the jet lag.

There are lots of different theories about combatting jet lag. Some say you should hit the ground running and go to bed at an early, but reasonable, hour. Others say a power nap as soon as you get to your hotel will help. Still others suggest knocking yourself out on the flight with alcohol and/or sleeping pills and trying to get some sleep. But nothing really works for me and I'm never able to really sleep on a long flight. I'm always too cramped in the plane and too excited about the trip ahead.

But after that first good night's sleep, I always wake up feeling great and ready to conquer the world.

On the return leg we'll leave Paris at 12:55 p.m. and arrive in Houston at 4:30 p.m. the same day. You'll be tired when you get to Houston, because it will be well past midnight Paris time by the time you clear customs. And most of us have the flight to Birmingham facing us after that.

Our "real" flying time is actually almost a full hour longer on the return because we'll be flying into the jetstream on the way back and that will slow our speed quite a bit. The airlines factor that into their schedules.

Okay, so long flights really can make you feel like you're in a time warp. Kind of like a very young Susan Sarandon does in this classic bit of cinema.


Enjoy!

Your seating assignment

You're not going to believe this.

I'm trying to fix our seats and I'm on hold again . . . With Ms. Fishman!!!! I almost hung up when she answered, but I can hear the hum of hundreds of other voices in the Continental call center, so I know it must be a karmic backlash for some bad deed I've committed in this or another life to get this sweet,addled woman for a second day in a row.

After a whole lot of explaining, I managed to convey to her that we'd prefer to at least have husbands and wives sitting together rather than have window seats throughout the entire aircraft, but we'd really like to all be in the same general vicinity of the aircraft so that we can annoy the rest of the passengers on board.

After asking me about last night's concert she proceeded to make some even crazier seat assignments.

After I explained why those seats didn't work, a little chat about Obama's VP selection and some more time on hold, I think we've got it covered. She just sent me the seat manifest and, while she doesn't have us seated with our siginificant others, I like the bloc of seats we've got.

On Continental, the 777-200 series in coach is configured 9 across in three clumps of three seats with two aisles.

Here's a link to a seat map so of this aircraft you can get a better idea of where we'll be sitting:

http://www.seatguru.com/airlines/Continental_Airlines/Continental_Airlines_Boeing_777-200.php

On the outbound we have A,B,C in Row 35 (the driver's side window is A and the aisle is C) and seats B,C in rows 38, 39, 40 & 41. Teri said you guys would much rather have aisle seats so you won't have to climb over a sleeping stranger in the middle of the night to go pee. It'll be dark for most of the flight, so there won't be a whole lot to see out the window except at takeoff and landing.

On the return, we have A,B,C, in Row 34 and B,C in Rows 35, 38, 39 & 40

Okay, since I'm the one who battled Ms. Fishman for two straight days, I get to decide how it's going to go. Since the seats are pretty well randomly assigned, I'm claiming Teri (spouse) and Colleen (skinny) in Row 35 going out and Row 34 coming home. Colleen, you get to choose the window or aisle seat, whichever makes you happy. The seat manifest has Mike, Teri and me sitting together in those rows, but that ain't happening. The other 8 of you can decide amongst yourselves who is sitting together and in what rows.

If anyone wants to see our e-ticket itinerary for their records or have a copy of the the flight manifest, just let me know and I'll be happy to forward that to you via e-mail.

So, in sum . . .

Our flights are now booked and confirmed!

Our Paris hotel is booked and confirmed!

Our week on the barge is booked and confirmed!

Our transportation to the airport from the barge is set.

We're pretty much done with the basics.

The next agenda items are to work out the whole Paris dining thing and arrange transportation from CDG to our hotel (and Kathy pretty much has that worked out). We also have to decide what we want to see and do while in Paris.

Oh and there's still the Petanque tournament to organize. I haven't forgotten about that.

Just Plane Crazy!

Please read at least the next couple of sentences of this blog entry. You can bail out after that if you like.

Do you have a Continental Airlines frequent flyer number? If so, can you pass that on to me so that I can get you set up to receive your airline miles?

Amazingly, Ms. Fishman actually got most of the ticketing right. She has our names correct and has us flying to the right cities on the right days. The thing she didn't get right is the seating assignments. For some reason she gave all of us "A" seats on both transcontinental flights (except for Melanie, who got a K seat. That means we have 1o window seats scattered throughout the "driver's" side of the plane and Melanie has a window seat two rows across on this big jet. Not to worry, I'll fix it.

I don't know if you saw this in the news this week, but United Airlines has just announced that, beginning in October, they will begin charging for meals on transcontinental flights. They won't be handing out so much as a peanut or a pretzel for free on flights to Europe.

That's just crazy and verging on evil. By the time we fly to Paris, either all the airlines will have adopted that policy, or United will have given up on this really, really dumb idea.

It wasn't that many years ago that the alcohol flowed freely and for free on your transcontinental flight and you actually ate pretty well. On our first flight to France, Teri and I had the pleasure of flying Air France. There were multiple meal services with pretty good food and after coming through the cabin several times pouring beverages, the staff set up a self-service wine and cognac cart in back.

Flying has gotten progressively less fun over the years.

I still remember my first flight. Mike remembers stuff better than I do, so he might have corrections or additions to this. It was probably 1968 and I was 8 or 9 years old. My brother and I were flying alone. After spending some time with our grandparents in California, we were flying from San Francisco to Chicago (I think) to be picked up by our parents.

Flying was so cool in those days! First of all, taking a flight was a big deal for anyone and people dressed up for the flight. The stewardess doted on the two youngsters flying by themselves which was an unusual sight back then in the pre-latchkey kid days when mom and dad stayed married. Oh, and she was a stewardess, not a flight attendant. That politically correct term didn't exist back then.

Mike and I both got gold wings which we thought was special. The young and cute stews (they all were young and cute back then) treated us like princes.

And I distinctly remember this about my first flight: Inside every seat pouch was a little sample box containing five cigarettes and matches. I'm pretty sure they were Winstons (I remember that because they were Dad's brand back then). I thought it was strange that cigarettes could come in any form other than the same size packs that Dad smoked. I didn't think it at all strange that these sample packs were in every seat pouch on the plane. That's right, not only was smoking allowed on board, there wasn't even a no-smoking section. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Okay, so maybe that part has improved.

If you want a little taste of what flying was like back then, try to get on a mostly empty flight from Tokyo to Hanoi on Nippon Airlines. Teri and I had that pleasure not too long ago and it brought back many happy memories of what it used to be like to be treated as a valued customer and to actually be attended to by a flight "attendant".

And don't get me started on the TSA and the joy they have brought to all of our lives.

If there's one thing I'm pretty much an expert on, it's why air travel sucks and how airlines could make our lives better if they weren't such evil bastards. I could write volumes on the subject and, trust me, I've got a lifetime of stories. But I just realized I don't have the energy or inclination to vent on any further on this subject. Airline travel, instead of being an event and part of the experience, is now just a necessary evil to be endured as you attempt to get from point A to point B.

Can't we just swim over there?

As I'm typing this blog entry, I'm on eternal hold with the airline as they try to compute the taxes and fees on our plane tickets so I can pay for them. Ms. Fishman on the other end of the phone sounds about 80 years old and it's her first day on the Continental group desk. Bless her heart--it took her about a half hour just to enter our eleven names into her computer (and I didn't even give her our middle names or passport info). She's clearly got a manager hovering over her shoulder as she flounders around and it's still not going very well.


The last guy I spoke with had the personality of tap water and the person before that had a really heavy hispanic accent. And, trust me, Delta was worse than that.

I have also been through every possible itinerary over the phone and e-mail over the last few days with several airlines and one travel agent. In short, this has been a less than fun part of the trip planning.

I'll get back to you again with an update and a general rant about airlines after I'm done with Ms. Fishman.

Oh, wait, she just came back and asked me for my reservation number. Again. This is after an hour of data entry and holding and managers stage whispering in the background. Are we going to have to start all over again? It's beginning to sound like it.

Oops, she's gone again. Why do I feel like it's close to Ms. Fishman's nap time?.

Hey, she's back again. Now she wants the name of the group leader and his or her phone number. "Um, that would be me, Ms. Fishman." Argh! We've covered that ground already. Oh, and what's the name of your hotel in Paris? And their phone number? How is that possibly going to help us? I gave her all of that information and now she's gone again. Is anyone else doubting that our tickets are going to be remotely correct?

I don't know how long I've been on hold now, but I've heard the on-hold commercials about a zillion times. I know about checking in on-line, that you can pay with cash using Western Union, bidding for travel, etc. and all I want to do is give these people money and get on with my life.

Right now I'm hating myself, Ms. Dishman and all of you for this special form of torture, but most of all I'm hating Continental Airlines and the airlines in general.

Make it stop . . . MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!

Ms. Fishman just came back. I asked her if we were close to done and told her I needed to get off the phone and go to a concert Ms. Fishman said "no, not done" and then asked me who I was going to see. I told her, she said "oh" and put me back on hold. I swear that was the entire transaction.

After five minutes of holding, she's back again and guess what? Our rate information just went "kaflooey". Not sure what that means, but I can't ask because she's gone again. If she ever comes back, I'm going to ask for the manager.

Teri here sitting in on hold for our captain while he goes and does who knows what.

Teri's gone and Ms. Fishman is back. She gave me an amount, but it was only for 9 tickets "they're still working on the other two" but she didn't know if that amount included the $300 per ticket deposit I've already paid. She's gone again and I never got the chance to ask. Maybe Steve and Melanie aren't going after all.

Oh wait, she's back and . . .

. . . finally! I've given her my credit card about three times now and it looks like we might be almost done.

Ms. Fishman and I just had a lovely discussion about Barack Obama's running mate (she wants it to be Hillary) while waiting for the transaction to process and. . . and. . . wait for it . . . ah, finished!

Hey, we're done. Now let's see what the e-mail confirmation looks like when it comes through. Show of hands . . . who thinks I won't be calling the group desk again tomorrow to fix the errors? Anyone? Anyone?

A question from the concierge (Mike)

Hi Marjoriacs,

Our Concierge à Paris (Mike) has requested that I put up a poll question for you, so for those of you who don't ever actually look at the blog (Beau, that means you), please make an exception and spend 1 second answering this one question poll any time over the next few days. You'll find it towards the top of the page on the right hand side of the blog.

As you may or may not recall, our concierge is charged with putting together a special group dinner (purely voluntary--you don't have to go) for one of our nights in Paris.

He's been doing his research and he's determined that the fancy schmancy restaurants in Paris are really expensive (well, I'll be--who could have guessed?). We're talking taking a second mortgage expensive.

If I heard him correctly, Mike claims that his preliminary research shows there are ultra fancy restaurants in Paris that might cost up to $300 per person. Ouch! I have a feeling that $300 apiece might be a bit more than some of us are willing to spend for a month of groceries, much less a single meal.

I'm trying to picture my parsimonious brother willingly parting with $600 for dinner for two, and that vision is just not coming to me.

On the other hand, some of us might think that $300 isn't too much to spend for one of the best meals of your life and a once in a lifetime experience.

So here's the question. If we have a special night out together, how much would you be willing to fork out for dinner? The poll gives you a range of price options. Our concierge will tally the poll results and take that into consideration as he plans and reserves our dinner.

Merci pour votre participation.

Finally, congratulations to Cathleen for running away with the shopaholic poll.

Oh, one other thing

As we learned from our little experience with the hotel, don't count on the flight arrangements being final quite yet.

I'm holding these reservations with Continental, but I'm not married to them for a few days yet. I've asked a travel agent to put in a bid for us. If she comes in at a significantly lower per ticket cost or comes in with better flight times, I'll change it all around. The BYSAPC budget is pretty well all used up thanks to higher oil prices/airfares putting the last nail in my budgetary coffin and if I can save a buck or two along the way I will.

There's actually a tiny bit of good news on the budget front. Has anyone else noticed that the Yankee Dollar has had a nice little rally vs. the Euro in the last five weeks or so. On July 14th, it took $1.59 to buy 1 Euro. Today you can buy a Euro for $1.48. That's an absolutely huge improvment and means that everything in France is 6% cheaper than it was a month ago. Hooray!

So if I make changes to our flights, unlike the hotel experience, I'll only do it once.

Important!!!! Flight information

Okay guys, I've got flight information for the Bonjour Y'all Social Aid and Pleasure Club.

Here's the skinny:

Everyone except for Melanie and Steve will be flying on Continental from Birmingham on Wednesday June 10, 2009. We will fly from BHM at 3:05 p.m. and arrive at Houston Intercontinental at 4:59 p.m.

In Houston, Steve and Melanie will join our happy band. Strangely, the direct flight from Houston/Paris and back cost $6 more per ticket than the Birmingham/Houston/Paris route, so effectively the airline is paying nine of us $6 apiece to fly from Birmingham to Houston.

At 6:40 p.m. we depart Houston and arrive at Paris Charles DeGaulle at 11:05 a.m. on Thursday, June 11th.

Here's the scoop on the return flight:

We depart Paris CDG at 12:55 p.m. on Saturday, June 20th. We arrive in Houston at 4:30 p.m. where, after clearing customs, we say goodbye to Steve and Mel and send them on their way. The rest of us will fly to BHM at 7:25 p.m. and get in at 9:14 p.m. (still on Saturday the 20th).

For those of you who don't live in Birmingham or Houston, you're on your own to get here no later than 1:30 p.m. on June the 10th. Anyone planning to come in a day early is welcome to spend the night with us. We've got plenty of time to work out the arrangements for getting to the airport in Birmingham, but I bet we can all pile into a couple of cars for the trip and save a bundle on parking.

If anyone has any objections to these travel plans, please speak up now or forever hold your peace. Mike and Jen, if you'd rather fly yourselves to Houston and meet up with us there rather than coming to Birmingham and flying with the rest of the group, let me know right away and I'll see if I can work that out.

Finally, if there's any chance you're going to back out for any reason other than your own death, you still have a chance, but I need to know right now.

Le Capitaine

I'm home and away again

Hi Marjoriacs,

This is an entirely personal and not at all Marjorie related blog entry.

I got home from Belize last night. I'll give you a few words on Belize and a few other random updates before disappearing again to my sales meeting in Florida early a.m. tomorrow.

Belize is one wacky place and should be the subject of one of those TV programs set in a place where everyone is insane in a charming way (think Northern Exposure gone tropical). At the same time the poverty of the place is completely oppressive and heartbreaking.

I spent most of my week in a slum in Belize City. The neighborhood is known as either the "Burial Grounds" because of its proximity to the city's largest cemetary or "London Bridges" because it is a swamp where squatters build shacks and little bridges to get to them. The residents of the Burial Grounds dump all manner of trash to fill the swamp in an attempt to create land. It's a real toxic soup.

I was mostly working on a school building that will be opening this fall. I don't see how--it's nowhere near ready. It was hot and dirty work. Belize City is a crime riddled and very dangerous place. There were four murders here on the day I arrived and three on the day I left (and that's in a city of only 80,000 people). A couple of days we were wiring this building. There was a guy staying in the building overnight, but Rudolfo must have gone off for a while because while he was away, thieves came in and stole most of the wires we had spent two days installing. It's just a really frustrating place to be.

The food was beans and rice or rice with beans (and a little chicken) for most lunches and dinners. Breakfast was beans and some sort of bread. Pretty basic fare.

It wasn't all "suffering for Jesus". On Sunday drove across the country to visit some nearly deserted Mayan ruins on the Guatemalan border and jump off a waterfall in the jungle nearby. On my last day I got sent off to hop a boat for a four hour ride to an island in the north of the country to help deliver a bunch of new computers to a school. I slept on the boat and hopped an "air taxi" back to Belize City the next day and headed for home.

Here is just one picture showing a few of the "London Bridges" shanties taken from the roof of the school building. I've got other very cool pictures that show more of the beauty of the place, but that will wait until I can bore you with them later.

Mike and Jen and their kids are on the road to their new Lynchburg home as I write this. We'll sure miss having them around here.

Okay this blog will return to Marjorie-related business soon. Speaking of which, did you notice that Cathleen thrashed her competition in the now closed "shopaholic" poll?